Ugh I haven’t felt this awful in a long time, and I hate to be negative, but I need to get some of my thoughts out.
So I only had one class today in the early evening, but I had work at 11am so I decided to get up at around 9:30am. I ate a small breakfast and got ready for work. I work from 11am to close, which is around 2pm, after lunch.
First of all, none of my coworkers showed up for their shift so lots of other people were pulled from their spots to come and help me, which I was extremely grateful for. Once it was time to start closing, I cleaned all the counter tops and glass, and wrapped up anything that needed to be. The 2 girls that were helping me started wrapping up all the leftover food, but since the dinner shift is right after, we just cover them with trays in the cooler (this probably doesn’t make sense to you guys, but that doesn’t matter). They were just doing a lot of extra work. I told them that we don’t have to do all of that since we are lunch shift, but they decided to continue doing it unless someone with authority told them not to. It upset me a little bit because they could’ve been doing something more productive to help me. But of course, their shifts both ended and I was stuck by myself.
I had to undo all the work they did and then redo it the correct way. I had to do SO much by myself, it was terrible. And I was so exhausted from being on my feet for so long. I hadn’t had any food or water since 9am and it was nearly 3:30pm. The assistant manager finally pulled someone over to help me, but honestly by that point, I was nearly done. I was just so exhausted that I wanted to cry.
And not to mention, since I worked the entire lunch shift, I missed lunch. Even at the dining hall that offers late lunch. I went back to my dorm after I got off at 4 and changed really fast and made some microwave mac and cheese to eat before my class at 4:30. When I finished with that, I saw my roommate and my best friend from high school talking.
Which wouldn’t normally be an issue or anything… BUT (I’ll try to make this a short(ish) explanation ok)..
So idk if this is crazy to think or not, but I feel like they are becoming better friends than me and my best friend are. They always hang out and get lunch (during my classes or work). They invite me to things sometimes, but when they do I feel like I’m the one that’s left out. They just always talk about people that they’ve met and people they’ve never introduced me to. They also make plans while I’m around sometimes, but don’t mention them to me or ask if I want to come. I mean, sure they can make plans and all, but like they don’t have to right next to me? We have these awesome devices called cell phones these days.
But today when I saw them I walked by and waved and they waved back. It looked like they were parting ways. I was going the long way back to my dorm because the temperature was pretty nice outside, so I figured that I’d get to my dorm a little after my roommate. When I got there, she wasn’t there.
Something inside of me just KNEW that they went to go get dinner together. I got so irrationally angry, I think I was just so tired from work, that I went on a run all the way off campus. When I got back, I felt great. I figured that maybe I was wrong that they got dinner together, but when I came back to the dorm, my roommate still wasn’t there. I guess I could be wrong, but I guess I don’t know what else could’ve happened.
You know how sometimes you really like people as individuals, but then when they are together, you don’t really like them as much anymore? That’s how I feel.
It just kinda sucks that the two people in my college I’m closest to, I don’t feel as close to anymore. I’m just too nice to say anything.
I’ve kinda hinted it at my friend multiple times, but she never seems to really get it. I don’t exactly want to tell her how I feel, because I know she’s not intentionally doing it. I know it will make her feel so bad if she knew.
Plus, I wouldn’t know how to bring it up or go about it anyways.
Honestly, I kinda just want to hang out with new people. Like yeah I’ll hang out with them sometimes, but I don’t want to be by myself all the time. I want to have friends that I can trust. I need friends that I can trust. It just sucks that I can’t depend on them to be there for me.
I don’t really know. Everything just kinda sucks right now. Life is all hard and stuff.
I also just really don’t like math. I’m so terrible at it.
Yes, that was random, but that needed to be let out too!
Well if you read this messy post I’m really impressed! Once again, I’m sorry for the downer, I’m not normally like this. I usually have my boyfriend to rant to, but he’s 120+ miles away, and currently at work.
I do feel a bit better now currently. I’m hoping after I shower I’ll feel even better!